I declare this site officially closed to further updates.  I won't be deleting the site (it's nice to keep a sadomasochistic record of whence I came), but I will no longer be writing new entries. Everything will be written on Facebook or on a blog no one can find.

If you really want to keep up with me, the best way to do that is by following my Twitter account. Or Facebook. Either way. I'm done waxing philosophical on public forums.

For the final time, Jesus loves you desperately and madly. Give Him your life and you won't be disappointed, I promise.

grace and peace

I love this song.

THE HARMONIES

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I said a long time ago that I was glad that I came to Washington & Lee University because I could be who I was without standing out at all.

That was a pure, unbridled lie.

Not the fact that I am glad that I attended Washington & Lee University, however briefly.  And I can't help but wonder if I would still be here if I had indeed played varsity basketball.  I probably wouldn't have joined Sig Ep if that had happened, though, so I'm glad I didn't.

No, I am happy to have been a General.  What I realized as I looked at my reflection in my car window before driving away from work today is that I will never not stand out.

It is physically impossible for me to fade into the crowd, no matter how large the crowd.  Being obscenely tall is most of the reason for that, and the rest of it is my hair.  I am physically incapable of going unnoticed.  So my argument of "I should have gone to a larger university so I could skip classes more easily" is invalid.  It wouldn't matter how large the class was, the professor (unless (s)he is literally blind) would not be able to miss me and therefore notice when I failed to attend.

No.  It would seem that my physical attributes have destined me to be noticed, to always stand out no matter where I am.  There is no fading in for you, Levi.  You are meant to be a leader, simply based on your physical attributes.

Okay, let's not go quite that far.

The reason this is being posted is that I need to reconcile this with myself.  Ever since I started excelling at things, I've wanted to hide and fade into the crowd.  And I am only just now realizing (why, I dunno) that my desires will never come to fruition.  I simply can't accomplish this goal of mine.

So I need to get over/suppress this desire to pass through life unnoticed.  The previous post is a list of 7 rules for living in hiding.  They won't help me.  I'd like for them to help me.  But they can't.  They simply can't.

Yes, Eleanor, I could cut off all of my hair in an attempt to blend in.  But I will still not go unnoticed, because people will be looking up to me. (You knew that pun was coming eventually.)

In short, I must find a new goal, a way to deflect the attention, perhaps.  I must accept that I cannot completely avoid the attention, but perhaps I can divert it so that it is only temporary.  Yes.  That is what I will do.

Jesus loves you.

gap